whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
