you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
