it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
