you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
