Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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