true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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