Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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