I just cut my nipple shaving
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
