ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
only if we run a train.
done.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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