Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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