shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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