Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
