halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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