I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Jerry, you need to find god
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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