you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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