I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Vodka?
Forever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
