when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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