My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
