Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
