your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
foreskin is a definite game changer
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
