i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
