we're blogging at a bar
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I understand Curling. That high.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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