Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
