Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
