I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
