get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
