Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize