Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
