This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
