We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
