This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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