I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
