i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
