And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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