It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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