i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
