Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
