At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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