I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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