I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
