the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize