she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
