Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
