At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize