I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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