he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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