I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
