just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
