I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
