it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
