i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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