Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
