Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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