I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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