I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
