3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
