Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
