Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
