Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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