I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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