....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
