wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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