Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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