ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
