Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
