I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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