Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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