god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
